i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Randomize
