You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
