I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
