Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
