Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
