apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
