Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
