I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
