im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
