I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
