In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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