I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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