"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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