Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
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