i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
