Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
