I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
