Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
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