No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
