i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
