fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize