Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My penis needs a shock collar
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
