On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Randomize
