well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
