thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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