sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize