Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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