Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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