There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
