I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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