He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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