We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
