That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
