i jhust puked up my retainher.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
