you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
