Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Randomize
