I just cut my nipple shaving
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
