We won't sleep together?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
