Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
