Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
