The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
