Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
