if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
