At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
