god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
