it hurts more in the daytime
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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