Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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