she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize