I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
