all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
