I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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