Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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