His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
