Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
