dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
