I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
i've created a new STD.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
