Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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