I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
whose parrot is this?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
