according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
