he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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