i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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