if you like me you must not know who I am
I puked a lego.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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