i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize