I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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