i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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