What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
