oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
