I want you more than these girls want KFC
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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