Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
