Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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