yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
