Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
