I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
